Egg donation:

How To Choose An Ovum Donor

This question "How do I choose an Egg Donor?" is presented to me every time I meet a new couple considering ovum donation. At Family Fertility Center, I have been privileged to share in the birth of over 200 babies through the assistance of ovum donors.

The women who donate eggs are very special. They approach the procedure with focused eagerness to help a family conceive through rigorous treatments over a period of five weeks. Initially they must be screened both psychologically and physically. Of the one hundred applicants who contact our agency, on average, ten are selected as candidates for our ovum donor program.

I screen out people who may be vulnerable after childhood psychological trauma or those who are not mature enough to understand the importance of their role. We do require that donors be open to meeting their recipients and the child that will result from their efforts. I have both of these requirements in place primarily in the interest of the child's self-esteem. While half of the recipients choose not to meet their child's ovum donor, I do want the possibility of meeting available for all prospective parents. I would never want a person conceived in this manner to be rejected by the person who helped give them life through her generous contribution of genetic material.

Health history is also extremely important in donor selection.

The most difficult part of the choosing process begins after the physical and health compatibility issues are addressed. I call these next group of factors CHEMISTRY. They have a lot to do with the irrational part of the thinking process. Initial information and impressions must be taken into account for a successful match to occur. The basic question is "would you want to go to lunch with this person?" or "Do you like her?"

While the prospective mother's husband is very important, I often encourage the couple to give the wife an extra vote. Sometimes I must advocate for a depressed woman who timidly asserts that, although her husband wants a Phi Beta Kappa genius ovum donor, she is really drawn to a candidate who shares her own Italian heritage and beautiful complexion.

We utilize a great deal of narrative responses out of a 22-page ovum donor application. I find that the donor's responses to illustrations of her childhood may trigger similar memories in her recipient. Often I hear comments such as "she was an avid reader as a child just like I was," or "she really sounds just like the tomboy that I was as a child."

Please, please, please TRUST YOUR INTUITION!! Mistakes occur when somebody tries to be too rational in the selection process. They may choose a donor solely on her past success with the procedure. Do not cheat yourself out of the joy of choosing a donor that you feel very fortunate to have found. The joy and excitement over finding the right donor can only speed your resolution of the infertitlity grieving process and enhance your bonding to your child during the pregnancy and after the birth.

The two processes that recipients never regret are first, taking the time to make a good choice and second, meeting the donor. This meeting helps to affirm the selection process. Often all participants find similarities in each other that are very pleasing. The energy from the meeting often serves as a catalyst for the whole process. It helps to deepen the donor's committment and begins to bond the recipients to their future child.

Even when pregnancy does not result in the first attempt these meetings help to alleviate some of the isolation and depression of the recipients. Just seeing our books with over forty donors available to assist the recipients brings tears to the eyes of the couples who come for help. I have often been told that it is the first time in their infertility experience that they do not feel alone.

Even if I do not get to help you directly in your quest for a child, please know I wish you every possible success. I know the emptiness and longing you may be feeling as you read this. I have been there myself not so long ago. My work in this field, helping people find their own resolutions to infertility, is my daily prayer of thanks for my two children.